Sometimes the hardest part of being a mama is letting a child go their own way. It’s hard to let go, knowing that child is making bad decisions– decisions that could affect him for many years to come– and doesn’t have a firm grip on the realities of this world. But it’s also something that has to happen, eventually.
As a mother, I want to make all the decisions because I have the benefit of experience and the knowledge that comes from experience and actually living. But there comes a point when I have to step back and allow the child, now a young man, to learn on his own– hoping that the lessons I’ve tried to teach were actually heard, and knowing that no matter what, God is always in control.
I think about Mary– on that long trip back to Jerusalem to find her Son whom she thought was lost. Not a ten minute trip up the street, but a day’s journey spent backtracking on foot and the backs of donkeys. I’d imagine she was worried sick wondering where He was and what He was doing on their three day search– a twelve year old boy in such a “big city” alone. It’s no different today than it was then. Yes, Jesus was ‘about His Father’s business’ that day, and He is God in the flesh, but He was also Mary’s young Son. And her worry was what a mother does. (Luke 2:41-49)
What we have to keep in mind though– what I have to keep in mind– is that God was always in control that day in Jerusalem. Every minute. Every second. Just as He’s in control now.
The only solace I have is knowing that while I’m not there to see that he’s okay, the Father is. I can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that God is with him. The worrying, I’m sure, will come tomorrow. And when it does, I’ll turn it over to God and be at peace again.
Because no matter how bad I want to make sure he makes all the right decisions… no matter how bad I want to see that he is fed and warm… no matter how bad I want to be there for every step to make sure he’s going down the right path… I can’t. I’m only his mother.
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