Little Lessons

When it’s time to let go…

Feb 15th, 2011

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Sometimes the hardest part of being a mama is letting a child go their own way. It’s hard to let go, knowing that child is making bad decisions– decisions that could affect him for many years to come– and doesn’t have a firm grip on the realities of this world. But it’s also something that has to happen, eventually.

As a mother, I want to make all the decisions because I have the benefit of experience and the knowledge that comes from experience and actually living. But there comes a point when I have to step back and allow the child, now a young man, to learn on his own– hoping that the lessons I’ve tried to teach were actually heard, and knowing that no matter what, God is always in control.

I think about Mary– on that long trip back to Jerusalem to find her Son whom she thought was lost. Not a ten minute trip up the street, but a day’s journey spent backtracking on foot and the backs of donkeys. I’d imagine she was worried sick wondering where He was and what He was doing on their three day search– a twelve year old boy in such a “big city” alone. It’s no different today than it was then. Yes, Jesus was ‘about His Father’s business’ that day, and He is God in the flesh, but He was also Mary’s young Son. And her worry was what a mother does. (Luke 2:41-49)

What we have to keep in mind though– what I have to keep in mind– is that God was always in control that day in Jerusalem. Every minute. Every second. Just as He’s in control now.

The only solace I have is knowing that while I’m not there to see that he’s okay, the Father is. I can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that God is with him. The worrying, I’m sure, will come tomorrow. And when it does, I’ll turn it over to God and be at peace again.

Because no matter how bad I want to make sure he makes all the right decisions… no matter how bad I want to see that he is fed and warm… no matter how bad I want to be there for every step to make sure he’s going down the right path… I can’t. I’m only his mother.

What do you do when you’re netless for 6 days?

Jan 31st, 2011

by Nickie.

1 comment

You complain, a lot. Actually, the complaining sort of tapered off after the first four days. Because, honestly, what was the point in complaining, really? It wasn’t doing any good, that’s for sure!

Right now I have a love/hate relationship with CableOne. Last Monday, one week ago today, our internet was working fine. Then Tuesday morning, nothing. No connection, nothing. At around noon Tuesday, we were showing connected on the modem but neither computer. Then finally, my computer was showing that it was connected… but, and there’s always a but, I couldn’t open anything. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

After several phone calls and a scheduled service call that never happened, it was determined that there was an area wide outage plus an issue with my connection specifically.

I called everyday up to Friday. On Friday, after the service call that was supposed to happen Wednesday but was rescheduled for Thursday DID NOT happen, I was told there was still an issue specifically to my connection and another service call would be needed… and the earliest date available was Tuesday. *sigh*

So this morning, Priss (who was more frustrated by the lack of net than me) hopped on just to “see” if it was working and VOILA… it’s working! I don’t know for how long, but it’s working now and for that I am so very thankful! I’m also thankful for the one week credit CableOne is giving us for our lack of service. See, that’s where the love/hate relationship comes in. CableOne has a GREAT bunch of folks working for them… they just have really crappy lines around these parts.

It could always be worse though… I could be completely netless like I was for almost a year. Today is definitely a day to be grateful for what I have!

Now I have some serious catching up to do!

What am I doing?

Nov 16th, 2010

by Nickie.

10 comments

What am I doing? I’m watching and waiting and checking and waiting and allowing myself to get caught up in the game of numbers. Why?

Three years ago, I started this thing called blogging. When I started, I didn’t care about the numbers. I only wanted to share. But then something happened. I got caught in the numbers. I wanted… to be popular. I wanted to have hundreds of comments on something I wrote. I wanted to see my blog linked from this one, and that one. I began to change the tone of my blogs. I drifted away from me, and became who? My blog was no longer my voice… it was the voice of what I thought everyone wanted to hear. I was basing my own worth on the opinions of others and shaping myself into those opinions.

I was oh so wrong.

I started over. In June, I started new. I discarded the old blog, the old domain. To start fresh because my life had begun again.

And now… six months later, I have found myself getting stuck in the numbers game… again. I have asked myself why I do this. I don’t see comments that often on posts I’ve poured my heart into. I don’t see the numbers change as fast as I think they should. But for what? For whom?

A few months into the beginning, I lost my focus. I lost the point of it all. And now, have I lost that focus again? Have I lost the point of it all? Have I really begun allowing the numbers to be the basis of my worth? Again?

I came back into the blogging world because I wanted to share my life, my experiences, but most of all… my Savior. I wanted to share the everyday grace I receive from the One who gives it so freely. I wanted to share with the world the overwhelming love and joy I experience on a daily basis by the Father who created me, you, us.

And now the numbers have crept their way back into my focus. They have turned and told me “you’re not good enough.” “Nobody cares what you have to say.” It’s so subtle, the numbers. The way they slip into your focus, your thoughts. Slowly. Quietly.

What am I doing?

I love to write. I love to share. I’m not the best, but I’m not the worst. God has given me a voice. He doesn’t care about the numbers. Why should I? As long as I am doing what I do to glorify the Father, why should I?

I shouldn’t. And I’m not. I’m not going to let the numbers influence me.

If you’ll take a peek at my side bar, you’ll see the Google Friend Connect and Networked Blogs widgets are both gone. As is the FeedBurner stats chicklet. I’m not going to focus on the numbers any longer.

I love every person who takes the time to read what I have to say… whether it is one person or one hundred. As someone very wise recently said, Jesus only had twelve followers. Twelve. Such a small, but significant number. It’s not about numbers for me… it’s about letting the world know what an awesome and loving God we have. It’s about showing how He has blessed me time and time again; about how He has shown His grace time and time again; about how He loves me and shows me that He loves me, despite my many many faults.

It’s about One, and only One. It’s about Him. His is the only opinion that counts.

I’m going back to the beginning… back to what I wanted in the beginning. I’m going back to doing this… blogging… for His glory. Without the numbers.

For Him… is what I am doing.

Early morning mustard seeds…

Oct 30th, 2010

by Nickie.

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On a day I could have actually slept in (you know those days are so rare!), I woke this morning just before 5. Too early for a Saturday; but since I was wide awake with no chance of going back to sleep, I decided to get up, make coffee, and start my day slowly. I enjoyed a nice long bath (without the usual interruptions since the kids were all still snugly slumbering) and just… relaxed.

After getting dressed and making myself a cup of coffee, I decided to grab my book and snuggled under the warm comfort of my bed and read. Not long after, my Lil Man woke up (of course he slept with us last night, again) all smiles, and within a few seconds jumped up and said, “I’m going to get my Bible and read it.”

I smiled both inwardly and outwardly and told him, “Okay, go get it and you can snuggled to me and read it.” He was gone and back in a flash, and snuggled under the blanket next to me with it propped on his chest, pretending to read. I honestly think that has to be the single best morning moment of my life. That my Lil Man’s first thought when he woke was to get his Bible and ‘read’ it (even though he can’t read) warmed my heart to unknown depths.

It’s in moments like this that I’m reminded of mustard seeds. We, as his parents, have planted the seed in Lil Man’s heart and God is working to grow that seed– even at the tender age of five. I think of all the children, so sweet and innocent, who don’t have the benefit of Christian parents and who could, possibly, go through their entire lives without being sprinkled with the seeds of the Word and it breaks my heart.

I’d like to think that somewhere along the way, they will hear the Word of God; but the truth is that some children become adults without ever hearing the Gospel, without ever knowing there truly is a loving and merciful Savior awaiting them. There are children who are born to families who don’t believe, who practice religions that don’t worship the One and Only Living God. There are children born to families whose religion is based on false doctrine and false word and false gods. I don’t know which scenario is the most heartbreaking– those who never hear, or those who are taught lies.

It is so hard to fathom the vast numbers of people who don’t know the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is mind-boggling and gut-wrenching. I look at my sweet little boy and see the nameless faces of millions of children all over the world– their faces just as sweet and just as innocent, and I know that God loves them and wants them to spend eternity with Him.

Mustard seeds. I keep thinking of mustard seeds.

“Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

Today I pray for mustard seeds; that all the little children of the world will come to know Jesus and His love for them; and that they will grow in their faith and love and accept His open arms of saving grace.

Thankful for… the Simple Pleasures

Aug 12th, 2010

by Nickie.

7 comments

This week… I have learned a valuable lesson– one of many I will learn over the course of my life I’m sure. I learned the true value of friendship.

I have a friend, not a close friend, but a friend nonetheless who is going through an excruciatingly difficult time right now. As I said, not a close friend. But… I realized this week that the closeness of this friendship doesn’t matter. I know her. We attended the same high school, and even hung out on occasion. I’ve known her for many years. I know who she is and how she is as a person– and she is a good person. She, like me, is a wife and a mother and a sister and a daughter. And she is a friend; a fiercely loyal friend.

She is struggling right now– with something I can’t understand; something most women can’t understand. She is hurting so badly and I want to comfort her, but how? The saddest thing I think I’ve ever heard or seen is someone saying “I feel like I’m dying from the inside out.” That is pain, crushing pain. I want to do more… but I don’t know what. I talk with her; I pray for her and her family; I comfort her; I hug her fiercely. And it’s maddening that I can’t do more.

I can’t tell you what it is she is going through. It’s not mine to tell. But I can ask you to please– if you believe– please pray for her and her husband (Charlotte and Jim). At this point, prayer is the only thing that’s going to help them.

This lesson– the true value of friendship– has made me stop and think about my closest friends. The friends I’ve had for so many years, since childhood, adolescence. The friends that I love so much. And it makes me think about my new friends– those who I’ve only known for a short time and those who are my church family. Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we neglect our friends. Not intentionally, of course. But it happens. And it’s understandable. But it is also something we can work on changing. Friends are so important for so many reasons. Even you, online friends– faceless and, in some cases, nameless– are important. With friendships we form a community of support around us; a soft landing for the times we stumble and fall. We form relationships with our friends; share our lives with our friends; laugh and cry with our friends.

Today, I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that I met them; thankful that they have allowed me into their lives and call me their friend. I am thankful for one of life’s simplest pleasures… a friend.