Holidays

The other day I was talking about memories from Christmases past. Every time we start a trip down Christmas memory lane, there is one that always floods back vividly.

Several years ago, we started this little habit of trick wrapping our gifts. We trick wrapped the kids presents– usually with several layers of paper and more tape than is ever necessary– and it gave me the idea of tricking my parents’ gifts too. So the art of trick wrapping began. It didn’t take long before my parents joined in the wrapping paper fun, except they one-upped me in the trickery. And they still hold that record today.

Around their tree were presents galore. From huge to tiny, more huge than tiny. One of those huge presents was mine. It was pretty shocking when my step dad pushed that huge box in my direction (they saved it for last). I looked at the box and then at them; both were grinning like monkeys. So I proceeded to move the box a little closer and noticed that it was pretty heavy. Naturally I had all sort of thoughts running through my mind– mostly I thought it was probably a television because the box was so big and the weight felt about right; though I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why they’d get me a television. I ripped the paper off the box only to find it was heavily taped– the box that is. After a few minutes of pulling what seemed like an entire roll of Scotch off the box, I was finally into it. I opened the top flaps to find wadded up newspaper, balled up wrapping paper, and packing popcorn inside.

At first glance, I supposed there must be something breakable inside for there to be so much ‘cushioning.’ I carefully pulled out piece after piece of wadded paper and fished around in the packing popcorn. I did find something at the bottom, but not what I was expecting. I pushed the popcorn to one side to reveal a nice gray cinder block. Yes, a cinder block. I stared at it, a little puzzled, then looked at my parents who were, apparently, trying there level best to keep from falling in the floor laughing. I pulled the block out of the box and began fishing around in it again, thinking there must be something else in there. After nearly emptying the box of all its contents, I realized there was nothing else. The block was it.

After all the excitement of the big box, the massive amounts of paper and popcorn, I have to admit… I was just a little disappointed. Okay, I was a lot disappointed. (Isn’t it amazing how parents have the ability to bring out the child in us no matter what our age?) Just for follow through, I picked up the block and turned it from side to side, trying to figure out what on earth this ‘gift’ could possibly mean. By this time, my parents were laughing their heads off. At my expense naturally. I looked that block over at least a dozen times. Finally, my mom hinted that I should probably look ‘inside’ the block; meaning inside the holes. I turned the block on its side and looked inside each hole… and finally… I found it.

In their wacky trick wrapping minds, they had taped a $100 bill inside one of the holes in the block. That was a major upswing after such disappointment, but I was so irritated with them I couldn’t even speak! I could laugh, but not speak! They got me, and they got me big. Huge. It made me furious… not that there wasn’t a nice big television in that box, but that they actually got me. Furiously funny, yes. I so arrogantly thought that they could never pull one over on me. Leave it to the parents to teach me yet another lesson!

That was about 15 years ago, and the memory is still the first one that comes to mind. That was a wonderful Christmas. We were all together as a family– my kids, my parents, my brother, and me– and we laughed until we hurt. I don’t mind that most of that laughter was at my expense, and I don’t mind that I’ve never been able to top their ingenuity. What could really top that anyway?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

And on a different note… there is another memory that has come to mind recently. One from almost as long ago, back when my nearly 19 year old was in kindergarten. I received a phone call from his mortified teacher one day, just a few minutes before he got home from school. She told me that my little JoJo had been telling all the kids on the playground that he’d had sex with one of the little girls in his class. His teacher was afraid that the little girl’s parents would hear of it and be upset. I was horrified that he was telling, at the age of five, that he’d had sex. I was also fighting back hysterical laughter, after all, a five year old doesn’t know what sex is, right?

When he got home from school, I took him to the side and asked him about it. He informed me that he knew all about sex because he saw it in a movie. So I told him to tell me, then, what he did to have sex with this girl. He smiled from ear to ear and said “I kissed her hand.”

I laughed. So. Hard. And then told him not to be kissing her hand anymore. He said “okay” and skipped off to play with his Tonka trucks. You should have heard the relief in his teacher’s voice when I called and explained it to her… along with the laugh she got out of it. Kids say the darndest things!

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Photos by: Idea go and Salvatore Vuono from Free Digital Photos.