I’ve been absent from the blogging world, the entire world wide web really, for several months now. I’ve missed it, yes, but it was a necessary absence I think.
In October of last year, my hubby decided it was time to close the business. We did, and he took a job with a local company. Shortly after, we moved so that we’d be ‘local’ to that local company. (It was something we’d planned to do anyway, and had been looking at places for a few months.) Then on the 9th of November, my hubby, age 39, had a heart attack. To say this was a life changing event is an understatement. He spent a few days in the hospital’s Critical Care Unit; underwent heart catheterization and received four stents. He was released with a handful of prescriptions and pamphlets on heart disease and stents. He wasn’t released to return to work for one week. Not a long period of time considering he’d just had a heart attack. During this time, however, he lost the job he’d just recently taken. The company he was working for leased to a larger company who in turn downsized, leaving my hubs jobless. When he was released from the hospital, the doctor told him to try to avoid any undue stress. That’s laughable now.
We were ok for a couple weeks, until the last penny of his last paycheck was gone. (Keep in mind, we’d previously used up every dime we had on the business that just continued to go south- a victim of the bad economy.) It was 5 weeks before he finally found another job, and that job only paid minimum wage. Our income was cut by more than 75%. That 5 weeks was hard, to say the least. We scraped by, spending on only what we had to. Family and friends really stepped up and helped us out, which I will forever be grateful for. Once his new paychecks started coming in, we had a little relief, but not much. The handful of prescriptions he was given when released from the hospital added a major expense every month, more than a $200 expense. When his heart attack happened, we had no insurance yet. No medical, hospitalization, prescription coverage, nothing. On top of the prescription expense, we were being hit by $98K in hospital bills. That was was on the back burner… as my grandfather once told me years ago “Can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip.” If there is no money, they can’t get any money.
So with this new job, we were able to breathe a little, but were still completely broke. (Boy did I learn how to budget and really s-t-r-e-t-c-h a dollar!) This went on for a few months until he, by a chance encounter, was offered a job doing what he does best, what he’s had years of training for, and he jumped on it.
Finally, we’re getting back on track. I could have gotten back to the internet sooner, but after going through everything we’ve gone through in the past 8 months, I didn’t feel ‘safe’ yet. I waited until I felt safe. Now I feel safe.
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For a while there I thought I’d go insane. Trying to manage the household, bills, kids, food, necessities on such a minimal amount of money seemed impossible. I wasn’t sleeping, I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t concentrate, I could barely remember my own name half the time. I spent my time keeping busy around the house, unpacking things that still needed to be unpacked, etc. One of the things I unpacked was a few of my books. One of the books that made its way into the new house on the first trip was one by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life. Given that I was just about at the end of my rope, or so I felt, I opened it one day in sheer desperation and began reading it. (I’d had this book for probably 2 years, and attempted to read it once but never finished.) Once I began reading I couldn’t stop, though if you’ve read it or heard of it, you know I had to. This book takes 40 days to read, for a reason. I finished it, all 40 days. And it was life changing.
Everything that had happened to this point had happened for a reason. Maybe I’ll never know that reason, but for me… those events brought me to my Creator. It brought me to a point where I was on my knees in tears and begging for some relief. I got that relief, along with much much more. I finally found PEACE. Even in the midst of hard times and chaos, I found peace. The thought of losing my husband, losing my mind… was a hard bite to swallow. Even now, just the though of how things could have gone chokes me up. I found peace; I found Grace. And it was that Grace that got me through everything that was going on. It was that Grace that renewed my hope and strengthened my love, not only for my husband and family, but for my friends and even complete strangers.
And now I’m back in the blogosphere, back in the craziness that is the world wide web… except I’m all new and shiny (and so is my blog! 
I’m still the same person with the same flaws and the same insecurities. My life is still crazy… I still run myself ragged with the kids, playing taxi for this and that. Life is still… not perfect, but it is my life and for better or worse, I love it. The Lord has truly blessed me; how could I not be happy with that?
((P.S. I’m still working out some kinks in my blog… so there may be some wonkiness going on, like for example… no header graphic and stuff. *sigh* Go away kinks, go away!!!))
